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A Helping Hand!

There was talk of a blog like this, so I am trying to make it happen! Group therapy of sorts for gay men! Questions will be posted, thoughts will be shared, and hopefully, we can help each other live a more happy, full, gay life!

How Are You Doing?
Posted:Mar 23, 2020 3:08 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2020 4:51 am
Corona is having a devastating effect on a great many of us. Some lost their livelihood. Many of us have lost our social lives. And after our last conversation, about being lonely and or alone, this social distancing and isolation may be making some feel even more so.

So I wanted take a little time to check on you, see how you are doing, and offer a few words that might make it a little easier.

This would actually be a great time to get in touch with some of those dear friends, family members and loved ones that life frequently doesn't allow us time to reach out to. Communication is key to maintaining any relationship, and although I truly believe that love never dies, relationships and friendships can suffer when life doesn't allow us time to nurture and appreciate them. So use some of this time to write a letter, send and email or make a phone call to a few of those people who mean a lot, but haven't gotten a lot of your time and attention lately.

How many of you made resolutions this year for like, get into shape or find a hobby? This is also a great time for some of that. You can find a work out routine you can do at home. Those of you who read, I read people...not the magazine, but men in particular...might pick up a couple of good books to read. Check out some movies or television shows you haven't had time for before. Music is also a great way to sooth the savage beast! Find some tunes that might move you. That can help you move, for housework or exercise. I dance with the mop and vacuum a lot! Songs can also feed the soul, so find some that just simply make you feel good. Do you have a hobby you haven't had time for? Cooking or baking? Is there a musical instrument sitting around you haven't played in a spell? Some sport you haven't had time for? Do you have a book or play you were planning to write? Maybe you like poetry? You can take some of this forced me time to do some of the things that had been sitting on the back burner. Even if it is just yard work, gardening, tinkering with the car or spring cleaning, these activities can not only distract you, but even make you feel better, with a sense of accomplishment when they are completed, and depending on what they are, could even make you feel better about yourself.

And I think most of us have one, but why not work on your internet and social media life? Right now, this could be the best way to still feel connected to the world, entertain yourself and distract from the isolation you may feel from time to time. Honestly, there was a time when my internet life was far more interesting than my real life, so having this time has given me the opportunity to get back in the swing of that, and I will probably never let it land that far on the back burner again.

You could hang out here or on several other sites, chatting and making some on line friends. Believe it or not, some of those can actually be real, and even become a part of your real life in some way. I love Twitter. I can badmouth Trump several times an hour in 140 characters or less. Pinterest and Instagram are great if you are more visual.Facebook is also one of my favorites and have a great variety of ways to entertain yourself, connect with people and play games.

But we are gay. So instead of just watching porn, why don't you set up an account, look around, make some friends and share some thoughts. Set up a playlist or two of only the things you like to see, so you can just run them until you are done, if you know what I mean. Pornhub, Xvideo, Xhamster and several others offer free accounts, and if you are into it, you can do some blogging, webcamming, or even start building up a fan base if you think porn might be another stream of income for you. And if you are on a dating or hook up site, you might take time to get to know a few guys well, before you get together in person.

They have been pushing the thought of alone together, and I do believe that can be achieved.We can have watch parties for our favorite shows, and listening parties for some great music through the internet. We can take this time to get to know ourselves better and maybe make a few improvements. And we can reach out to those people we care about, from our past, in our present and for the future.

I hope I have given you a few ideas or suggestions of how to past the time and still feel connected, to the world at large, to the people in your life, and possibly even get in touch with your self, beyond the physical. lol

We are all in this together, even if we are temporarily apart!
Are You Lonesome Tonight?
Posted:Feb 5, 2020 7:55 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2020 5:15 pm
There is a huge difference to me, between being alone and being lonely!!!

Alone happens to all of us. Some of us, and I think more than most know, should be alone more. We all need time to reflect, and get reacquainted with ourselves, and our goals, hopes and dreams. I feel like the happiest people are the people who know themselves the best, and adhere to their core values and beliefs. But if you never have that alone time, if you are always on the go, when do you stop to see if you are on your true path to happiness?

I'm going to go one step further. I need my alone time. I want that time to look at myself and what I'm doing in my life. I need my time to meditate, to write in my journal. Some to things that bring me the most joy requires a certain amount of peace, quiet and serenity. I can't write poetry or lyrics to ballads without my me time. I prefer to even work alone, be it at the office, cooking my dinner or just cleaning my house or exercising.

My point is...I believe it is healthy that we all have some alone time. But is there such a thing as too much? When does alone become lonely?

Of course, that is going to change from person to person. There are nomads, recluses and hermits who want as little social interaction as possible, and none would be great. They open the door to get the mail and newspaper rather than deal with the person making deliveries. They live on the radio, television and internet, entertaining themselves instead of socializing or communicating, even over the phone. They can now get their groceries delivered, their medications delivered and except for the occasional doctor visit, may never have to deal with a person in their lives.

But what about those who are truly lonely, and what does that mean? Don't they have friends they can hang out with or talk to? Don't they have online buddies they communicate with and spend time with? What about real life friends, family or relationships? Or do some people places such an importance on their romantic life, that their family and friends don't seem like it is enough?

What does lonely mean? I mean, when times get rough, I tend to isolate, but I don't think of myself as lonely. I know will be there when I allow them to be. After I lose someone in my life of some significance, I don't think of myself as lonely. More likely, I just miss that particular individual in my life. And I have lost more people than most. Still I don't think of that as lonely. So perhaps, we can define lonely as longing for someone in your life in a particular capacity and having no one there. After all, there are people with family and friends, but still feel lonely because they do not have a significant other in their lives.

But then, I have to ask, why are you lonely? If you have people in your life, aren't you choosing to be lonely? I can use my friends and family to feel less lonely, perhaps even just distract me from the loneliness, but at least I don't feel it anymore. And when I do, I get another distraction, get another friend or the same friend again. And avoid the lonely or loneliness.

And if you are lonely, what are you doing about it? Are you putting yourself out there to end that loneliness? Or are you finding excuses not to try? Are you using your friends, your hobbies, interests and likes to meet other people? Or are you alone, focusing on the fact that there might be someone missing from your life, but not recognizing your part in why that is? Are you looking at yourself, seeing what you are putting out there, and asking if you would be attracted to that? Are you playing the victim...time and life is showing on you, so you won't show up for someone else? You know, none of us are what we use to be. I was a twelve slim and now I wear whatever fits. I shave not because i want to, but to get rid of the gray hairs. I pray for beer googles, when they is no alcohol around. I can't half hear and I don't look nearly so impressive on the dance floor as I use to. But when the music moves me, i do try.

The cure to loneliness is people. You can't be lonely if there is someone around. So start using those human resources you have to create an environment conducive to what it is you want in your life. If you want friends, you have to be a friend. If you want something more, you have to be something more. Now, not everyone is going to respond the way you wish they would. But you have a much better chance at getting what you want if you try, instead of doing nothing about it!

I am really looking forward to what you guys have to share with me here, and because I hope to have another post up here in time for Valentine's Day, you won't have to wait nearly as long for a response. By the way, i do appreciate all the responses I got from my last post...thank you very much. I did respond to all of them I think, and will continue to do so. My goal here is to help us help each other, and I feel like we have already gotten off to a great start, So again, thank you very much, and I will be back soon!
Are You Happy And Gay?
Posted:Jan 9, 2020 10:07 pm
Last Updated:Mar 23, 2020 2:14 pm
Each year, I pick a pet project or charity to focus my extra effort and energy into, and this year, I've chosen Gay Suicide Prevention.

Despite all the progress it seems we may have made in recent years,the gay life is still a difficult road to travel. From the young age, when you first start to feel like you are "different." And usually, when you find what that difference is, you've already picked up on the negative connotations that comes with...regardless of its , (gay, lesbian, transgender, intersex, bisexual, etc.,) Then there's that internal struggle and dialogue that comes, and that's even before and if you the of acceptance. And if you get there, how to come , and to come to, and hoping you are not outed before you are ready, and the multitude of outcomes, ramifications and repercussions that may come from that decision.

If you get to this safely, there is the feeling of being "the only one." can you talk to, ask questions, gather information, get support from? Branch off from there to maybe make new friends, like-minded friends, or even possibly find someone to with. Realistically, I don't think we jump in looking for dates or love. That usually comes later. But hell, even the shallowest of connections can be hard to come by if you don't know how, or where to go. And takes us to a series of not-so smart, sometimes dangerous behaviors, events that could leave marks and scars psychologically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and possibly even physically. A variety of , alcohol and promiscuous sexual activity can come with its own concerns, issues and problems. And if you do get lucky enough to make some connection, this world is a sometimes cold and dangerous place, with closed-minded people ready to express their disapproval in various forms. Discrimination, prejudice, bigotry and even violence can come into , usually unexpectedly.And this is what most of us would consider our heyday.

We get older and lose our looks, or gain weight. Possibly lose some of independence, physically or financially. And this is when some of us think we are ready for love. But we can be a fickle, finicky lot, being so stuck on wrappers that we forget that the real gift or treat is inside. So as we gain experience and wisdom, we lose the attention we use to get, and their interest in the process. And once again, it become harder to make connections with people, and we end up feeling alone or lonely once again. But now, we've seen the effects of hatred and the aftermath of diseases and the ills of the world. We have seen a lot of hurt and pain, and experienced a lot of death, realizing that we might be closer to it than we wish. Or worse yet, it starts looking appealing to us!

I left several other possibilities that could happen, some that might things better. Others that might make matters even worse, but it certainly looks like a bleak path if it isn't navigated properly. But properly is a relative term, because all of us are individuals, each of our journeys are going to be different. Because each journey ought to be about what is best for that individual, and the more information and resources they have, the better they can plot their course. Because knowledge is power, and that is what I hope this blog can do. If we as a group, can save one life, or make one person's journey just a little bit easier, it will be worth it to me!

The image I presented, it doesn't have to be that way. I am living proof of that! I might even say I lucked out, and had some help along the way. I was born smart and strong, yes. But that alone does not prepare you for everything you might face along the way. I had some amazing resources and some wonderful people to help me get to this , and I hope will be with me throughout my journey. To come from questioning at five, to knowing at seven, to being out, proud and homeless at twelve to being a successful gay black man, living every single day, his own way, happy and gay, on his own terms is a feat I am very proud of. It wasn't always easy, and I made a of mistakes, but there aren't many things I would change, and the end result has made it well worth it thus far!

So I ask you now...are you down or depressed about being gay? And if so, how come? Do you think you life would be easier if you were straight or something else? Do you think you missed out on something because of your sexuality? Let's talk!!!

By the way, if it is because you are single, gay, lonely and/or alone, that will be my next post, coming up this weekend, so we can speak on it now, but delve into it later!

Thank you all for coming, sharing your thoughts and feeling, and giving part of your time, and yourself, to maybe help somebody else!
Feel free to ignore!
Posted:Jan 9, 2020 8:44 pm
Last Updated:Mar 29, 2020 4:51 am

I read that in order to attach a to my blog...My Blog is just so ordinary on here...I had to post something first. So, here it is!

Thank you and have a great day!!!

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